高二英语作文

发明节 Inventions

 


写作指导

 

写作任务:

假设你参加了某外国网站举办的国际中学生发明节,你想设计一个新式厨房来帮助家庭主妇减轻厨房里的家务负担。请你给该网站的编辑写一封信谈谈你的设想及这种新式厨房的优点。词数:120-150。

 

分析:

1. 本次写作任务要求设计一个新式厨房,并向读者介绍你的设想及其优点,属于想像性的说明文。想像应在现实的基础上进行,要求合理而又有创意。首先根据设题的要求,谈谈自己的构想及设计理念。然后在主体部分具体谈谈构想的各个方面,如,各部分的组成、材料、特点、和现存的同类产品相比较有何优缺点等。最后,在此基础上,想像一下自己的设计发明的市场前景以引起关注。

2. 本次写作任务要求设想一种新式厨房。首先,简述你的发明是什么,可以在开头说明新式厨房的最大特色以吸引读者,如节能、环保或是操作简易,这些都可以是你的设计思路;主体部分要对自己的发明进行详细介绍,同普通厨房相比较,新式厨房的特点体现在哪些方面,如,厨房的空间的安排是什么样的,这样的安排有何用意;厨房内的设施是怎样的,这些设施是用何种材料制成的,使用这种材料有何优点,会给家庭主妇提供什么样的方便等。另外,也可以介绍这种厨房设计的可行性,如,新式厨房的建筑材料易得,可循环利用,节省空间等。
注意在写作过程中不必根据现实厨房的情况对其内部逐一介绍,只要突出其中最有新意的一两个方面重点说明即可。

初稿:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I’m writing to introduce to you my new design ideas. It’s universally known that the kitchen is a place where housewives prepare foods. But as a designer, I would like it to be a place for meals, leisure as well as recreation. In my opinion, the kitchen should be clean and tidy, and designed according to its owner’s tastes. It should also have modern equipment to make cooking easy and more convenient, including a radio or TV set to let people listen to music and learn about the current news while cooking. A beautiful dining room should be just next to it, allowing dishes to be served conveniently, and helping with the hosting of parties, or family get-togethers like that of the eve of the Spring Festival.

Yours, Tom

教师点评:
初稿文章结构完整,内容表达比较全面。过渡词语使得衔接更自然。文章存在的问题在于内容过于平淡,整篇文章缺乏想像力,完全偏离了写作任务中有关新式厨房的"新"的要求,整篇文章一直在强调可以把厨房改造成集娱乐、饮食为一体的地点。只依靠对厨房的环境的改变来建造新式厨房的想法毫无新奇可言,这类新式厨房恐怕也无法引起发明节评委和大众的兴趣。严格说来,文章所谓的"新式厨房"不过是对普通厨房的一种格局上的变动,实质上并无创新可言,所以,作者应该发挥想像力,在对厨房的创新上多下功夫。

成稿:

Dear Editor,

I’m writing to introduce to you my new design for a kitchen —one that is clean, inexpensive, environmentally friendly, modern and convenient. We will use solar power throughout the new kitchen as a way of cooking without pollution. What’s more, the heat generated during the cooking process can be absorbed by plants hanging from the ceiling of the kitchen. We all know that there is always water on the kitchen floor; this is a problem the housewives won’t need to worry about in this new kitchen since the floor will be supplied with many small holes, and the water collected from them will in turn be used to flush toilets or water flowers. The walls of the kitchen will be made of a new material that is easy to clean. Cooking in such a kitchen will be a relaxing experience rather than a stressful one.

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